Destiny and Dreams
by BuffyVerseSpuffyRealm
Summary: I DO NOT OWN BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO JOSS WHEDON AND MUTANT ENEMY INC etc... Set between the end of Tabula Rasa in season 6(when Spike ans Buffy kiss in the bronze) and the beginning of the following episode Smashed. Here I am making the gap between the episodes 2 days long. NO MAJOR EXPLICIT CONTENT. OCCASIONAL BAD LANGUAGE. VERY VERY MILD SEXUAL CONTENT.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Evening After She couldn't concentrate on patrol. Not when their kiss was still in her mind from last night. She remembered his firm but gentle grip on her waist as his fingers moved gently over her lower back. She remembered being pulled closer to him and losing herself in his hold. Even though vampires, couldn't breathe, she swore she felt Spike's warm sweet breath on her neck. But most of all, she could still feel his soft, soothing lips on hers as their tongues entwined.. "STOP IT", Buffy thought to herself. She had to let this go. It was a stupid mistake..okay maybe the same mistake twice but it ended now. Nothing more could happen between them. DONE. FINISHED. OVE - Suddenly, Buffy's illicit thoughts and fantasies were interrupted when she heard a crack behind her. She spun round, grabbing the thing that was lurking a few paces behind and pinned it to the ground. She was about to plunge a stake through it's heart when she stopped and heard a familiar voice. "Bloody hell love, don't be so skittish!". Buffy rolled her eyes and clambered off of the now filthy figure. "Spike! What the hell are you doing creeping up on me like that? Oh yeh, because you've got nothing better to do than to stalk the slayer!" Spike regained his footing and made a measly attempt to brush the dirt off of his duster. " Well it doesn't technically count as stalking if the stalkee has responded to the stalker...twice", Spike replied in an annoyingly seductive tone that Buffy loved and hated at the same time. "How many times do I have to tell you? Yeh we kissed, so what? Nothing can ever happen..ever! The sooner you get that into your head the better" Buffy snapped. She turned away to carry on patrolling but Spike was there in a flash and grabbed her arm with one hand and her waist with another. Buffy was momentarily forced to look into his sparkling dull blue eyes. Then they all came back. All the memories of last night and the night before in fact. Spike had now removed his grip from Buffy's arm as she wasn't trying to run away anymore. He brushed his palm against her cheek instead as he cupped her perfect face in his hand. He edged his mouth closer to hers and still she didn't move. Spike's lips had just brushed the slayer's when she hurled him against a crypt wall. "I've told you before. This can't ever work. Now stay the hell away from me and my friends or so help me I will kill you!" With a swish of her hair, she ran off into the darkness leaving Spike even more determined.. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: A Close Call Buffy slammed the door behind her and slid down her bedroom wall, landing with a thud. She held her head in her hands, fuming that she'd allowed Spike that close to her again. Why couldn't he just take the hint and leave? Buffy pushed her thoughts aside and clambered into bed. It was late. Tomorrow was a new day. She had at least 18 hours before Spike was able to leave his crypt again. Plenty of time to figure out how she was going to stop this freak show once and for all.. Buffy awoke to the sound of Willow opening the door and the rattle of a tray. "Rise and shine Buffy! It's midday!", Willow chirped. Buffy opened a bleary eye and looked at her clock. Great. Now only 8 hours. She never usually slept in this late. Well she had stayed out late patrolling last ni - Ugh. She didn't even want to think about last night. She'd been awake less than 30 seconds and Spike had ruined her day not even being around! "I brought Pancakes. Tara made too many for Dawn so we had spares." Willow explained. "Thanks Will", murmured Buffy with a half hearted smile as she sat up and received the tray. Willow smiled and headed out of the room. Buffy bit into the pancakes. Damn Tara knew how to make the best pancakes! "Right", Buffy thought to herself. "I'm not letting Spike ruin things for me. I have a life. He doesn't control it". Suddenly, Willow ran around the corner again. "Oh yeh and Buffy, Giles says you need to go see Spike ASAP. We need information on this demon that's terrorizing the lower part of town", she panted and skipped out into the hallway again. Buffy scrunched up her eyes and bashed her head against the headboard. "Shit!", she groaned. Buffy reluctantly knocked on the door of Spike's crypt and entered. She wanted to get in and and out of there as fast as she could. "Alright love?", Spike asked as he saw the slayer enter. "Changed your mind about last night I see?", he taunted. "Spike, shut up I'm here about a demon. Giles sent me", snapped Buffy. Spike didn't seen convinced. "So how is old Rupert? Still as boring as ever?". Buffy rolled her eyes. "Spike. C'mon, I'm busy so what do you know about this demon that's been terrorising the lower parts of town?". Buffy's fists were clenched and she was tapping her foot impatiently. Spike caught onto this. "What's got you so on edge love?". Spike raised an eyebrow. Buffy tried her best to act none the wiser. "Nothing. I'm just busy so hurry up!", she yelled maybe a little too panicky. "You may be a lot of things slayer but you're a terrible liar", chuckled Spike. Buffy had heard enough of Spike's 'oh so witty comments'. She'd get Xander to come over later. "Just forget it", Buffy stuttered. Before he could say anything else, Buffy spun on the spot and moved as fast as she could towards the exit but she had forgotten how close Spike was to her. Before she knew it, he had grabbed both of her arms. She was desperately trying to fend him off but his grip was too strong. All the time, he was smiling a seductive, evil smile that no one could resist. Buffy stopped trying to squirm free for a split second and he didn't hesitate in leaning in to kiss her. By now, Buffy was completely beyond resisting him. She knew it was too late and she knew that she liked it. She was kidding herself if she said that she didn't. Spike's arms had now slithered around her waist and hers around his neck. She ran her fingers through his hair and he deepened the kiss. Buffy had just thrown her jacket on the floor, when she heard footsteps outside the crypt. She frantically pulled away from Spike's embrace and scooped up her jacket. Buffy quickly ran to the other side of the room. Xander wandered in to the crypt. "Hey Buff, Giles asked me to come along since you'd been a while an-". Xander stopped, staring at the out of breath pair, Spike's creased shirt and Buffy's removed jacket. " Is someone gonna tell me what the hell is going on?!", Xander yelled. 


	3. Chapter 3(Can't paragraph chapters)

CHAPTER 3: What the Heart Wants Buffy struggled to find the words. " Well?", Xander asked again. Buffy just stood there motionless, panic taking over her thoughts. "Just fighting", Spike suddenly interrupted. Buffy frantically nodded, not being able to think of anything different. "I pissed the slayer off as usual and she just went for me, ya know..." , Spike murmured too unconfidently for Buffy's liking. There was an awkward, eery silence as Xander's suspicious eyes continued to dance from Spike to Buffy. "Come on. It must be the truth", Xander thought to himself. "Buffy wouldn't stoop as low as that creep. Especially after everything he's done to her." Xander relaxed a little and turned to Buffy. "Right...whatever..well, do you have that info on the demon?" Xander broke the silence suddenly. Buffy turned to Spike and looked him in the eye as to sort of warm him off and thank him at the same time. "No. He doesn't know anything. Lets go", Buffy demanded as she spun around to Xander again. Xander exited the crypt and so did Buffy but she lingered in the doorway for a moment and looked back at Spike who gave her a seductive wink. Buffy had to shut the door before he saw her smile.. "God! This is so wrong", her head was telling her. "But it feels so right!", her heart interrupted... It had been an awkward atmosphere between Buffy and Xander on the journey home. She tried to grab his attention but his gaze flickered away every time she turned her head. "Oh shit!", Buffy suddenly thought. "What if Xander DID know what was really up but he was just hiding it? What if he told Giles? What if he told Willow? Or worse still..what if he told Dawn?" Buffy was really starting to panic now. She needed to make sure nothing ever happened with Spike again and convince Xander that it wouldn't. But what if Xander didn't actually know about her and Spike and she accidentally dropped herself in it? "Oh f*ck!", she whispered under her breath. She needed air. "Xander. Stop the car!", Buffy commanded, trying to stay calm. "Buff, what's up? We're almost home", Xander replied confused. "Xander just stop the car now!" Buffy let out all the panic that had been building up the past few nights. Before she realised it, she was digging her nails into the hot leather seat and slowly ripping the material. Xander slammed the breaks on and skidded to a halt, parking further onto the pavement than he should've. Buffy scrambled to unfasten her seatbelt and open the car door. She felt her panic levels die down a little as the cool breeze flew across her face. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, blocking out the noises of the busy Sunnydale streets but Xander's yelling soon brought her back to earth. "Buff! Buffy! What is up with you?". "Sorry Xan.. I..I..just need some space", Buffy replied vacantly. "I'll see you at home later yeh?". The slayer started running in the opposite direction of home but didn't stop as Xander cried out towards her. Before she did anything else, she needed to be sure of something first... It was getting dark now and Buffy was still traipsing through the demon infested areas of Sunnydale. She couldn't face going home. Not yet. She couldn't deal with the thought that she'd have to explain her freak out to everyone. She needed to be away from prying eyes, away from questions. Buffy soon found herself standing outside of Spike's crypt of all places. She needed to make sure that... Before she finished thinking, she swung open the door with a thud, startling an outstretched Spike who was sitting on an armchair in front of the TV. He quickly spun his head around and Buffy could see a slight smile forming on his lips. "Slayer. About earlier I wa -", he started. "You can't tell ANYONE about what happened. Xander's already suspicious enough and-". Buffy didn't notice Spike slowly approaching her. Buffy continued. "My life is already complicated and messed up enough without having to deal with you and all your stu -". Buffy was silenced by a soft tender kiss. Spike's arms were not locked around her like they usually were. He just held a comforting hand around the side of her face. Like he trusted her not to run from him anymore. "Why would I tell anyone pet?", he whispered in a soothing tone as he drew away from her. Without thinking, Buffy threw her arms around the vampire's neck and pulled him close into a passionate embrace. She didn't care about the consequences at that moment. She didn't care about the questions waiting for her at home and the angry scoobies ready to crucify her for her disappearing act. She just lost herself in Spike's hold, wanting to feel loved... 


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4: REALISING

30 minutes, had passed and Buffy still hadn't jumped up and left. She and Spike were still in a clinch but were now on the couch. Spike's hands were entangled in Buffy's golden curls and hers resting on his chest. For no reason at all, the time dawned on her and she quickly but gently pulled away from Spike. He wasn't surprised. He knew it was coming but he just didn't know when.

"I'm sorry", Buffy mumbled, her head still in Spike's hands. He removed a hand from Buffy's hair to push a lock of her hair from her face. Spike brushed a dainty thumb across her cheek as he whispered,

"I know" into her ear. She gave him a look that he thought for a moment was a smile. With that, Buffy stood up and left not before giving Spike one last apologetic look from the doorway. Spike felt her shining eyes watching over him but he refused to look up. He just continued staring at the ground, one muscly arm leaning against the couch. He relaxed as soon as he heard the door shut. A tiny tear dripped down his cheek without him realising. He sniffed and wiped it away as soon as he was aware of it's presence. Spike snatched a bottle of whiskey from a nearby table and gulped it, trying to fight back the tears...

Buffy knew it was time to face Xander and Giles. She knew running off like that was stupid and childish but she didn't regret it. She needed space to consider the consequences of her actions with Spike but ended up doing the exact same thing she was stressing herself out over. It was such a mess. She despised Spike but when she was with him, she didn't feel alone. Even surrounded by the scoobies, she didn't feel the same way as when she with Spike. He made her feel alive, wanted..even normal sometimes. He treated her like an ordinary 21 year old when she was with him. Not like the dangerous slayer. Buffy stared to wonder maybe if Spike DID love her in his own crazy, f*cked up way. She was about to knock on the door when Xander swung it open and dragged her into the kitchen.

"Xander, what the hell?!", she shouted.

"Keep your voice down". He paused.

"Running off like that today was unbelievably stupid and everyone's pretty pissed at you", Xander whispered.

"I told them how freaked out you were and they didn't know where you were or if you'd gone off and done something crazy!" Buffy thought about her time with Spike. It was only half an hour wasn't it? "Oh shit", she thought.

"Look Xan I'm sorry. I just needed space", Buffy apologised.

"Where were you?", Xander demanded. Buffy kept her mouth shut and stared out of the window.

"Buffy we deserve to know!"

"It doesn't matter I'm here now! I was just out and about", she snapped almost immediately. Xander sighed in frustration and hopelessness. Buffy walked into the front room to greet the stunned faces of her friends and family. Xander glared at Buffy from the distance. He knew if Buffy wasn't willing to release information, he wasn't going to talk her round any time soon...that's why he had to find out for himself..

Buffy gasped awake from a dream. She unclenched her sweaty fists and turned towards her clock. Damn. It was only 3am. Buffy dropped back onto her bed with a sigh and payed with her hair. It had only been a few seconds but she couldn't remember half of the dream. Something about a devil and a bunch of angels protecting someone from it. Then it dawned on Buffy how her recent situation fit the dream. She was the devil's prey, Willow, Xander, Giles, Dawn, Tara and Anya were the angels and..well she was pretty sure that she knew who the devil was.. Her confrontation with everyone was worse than she imagined. She was so used to them accepting where she went and what she did, that she didn't expect them to be so angry with her. She knew that they were only concerned for her safety especially because she was the slayer. Tara, Anya, Willow and Dawn had mostly accepted that she didn't want to talk about it but Xander and Giles still hadn't given up grilling her for information on her previous whereabouts. But she couldn't tell them the truth. Her world, that she'd just managed to hold together with super glue, would definitely crumble and fall apart. What was even worse was that at the tiniest corner at the back of her mind...she wasn't totally willing to turn her back on her meetings with Spike...


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5: STALKER

Somehow, it was now 8:30, Buffy must've drifted back off to sleep after her scarily accurate nightmare last night. She hadn't dreamt far enough to discover if the story had a happy ending but she had a gut feeling that it didn't. After getting ready, Buffy was greeted down stairs my a crowd of awkward expressions. She hesitated at first but Buffy decided to join the gang at the table. Dawn, Tara and Willow slowly chomped on cereal and Giles was sitting on the couch, hiding behind a paper. The frustrating episode of silence carried on for some time and Buffy couldn't take it anymore. She shuffled backwards, her chair legs scraping against the floor. She grabbed a jacket from the banister and a stake from on top of the weapons chest and stormed out of 1630 Revello Drive, slamming the door behind her...

The bright Californian sun shone down onto Buffy, her pale skin covered in the burning light. She didn't know why but she was really in the mood for a coffee. She headed down to Starbucks and joined the increasingly long queue. She kept feeling guilty about walking out on the girls. She knew that they didn't mean any harm. They were just struggling to express how they felt. They were annoyed but sympathetic at the same time. Buffy definitely knew how that felt herself.

Buffy could feel a piercing pair of eyes darting over her. She didn't want to make it obvious that she knew, so slowly turned around in the queue to where she felt the stare was originating from. Suddenly, she spotted a dark figure lurking in the shadows in an alley, still acting discreetly she wandered out of the queue, circling a couple of times. As she got closer, she realised the figure hasn't moved and was leaning against the wall. She was metres away from the figure now and it was still facing the same way, now to Buffy's right. She could distinguish features of the figure now. It was quite tall, definitely human shaped, hands seemingly their pockets. Suddenly, the figure jerked around to face Buffy. They spun on the spot and started to run but Buffy was too quick and grabbed them. There was a familiar feel of rough but silky material under her fingers but the mysterious person slipped out from under her grip. The gap widened between them but Buffy was determined to find out who her stalker was.

After a few seconds, Buffy had managed to catch up and pin the figure against the wall. It was still pretty dark but Buffy could see the figure's features a lot clearer now and she didn't need to see any more than one of them to know who it was. Buffy released her grip and took a few steps back...


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6: You Always Hurt The One You Love

"Dammit this has to stop", Buffy sighed as she leant against the wall behind her. She stared across at the now relaxed figure, their head hanging low.

" I know you're concerned about me but you can't keep following me everywhere I go to make sure I'm alright. I can look after myself", she explained thoroughly but in a gentle tone. Buffy was now reproaching the figure but they still hadn't moved from their slumped position against the opposite wall.

"But thanks all the same", chuckled Buffy smiling. Now, the figure had lifted their head and reached out a long, covered arm towards Buffy. She replied by wrapping her warm fingers around theirs. The figure, took one small step forward towards the slayer and into a beam of indirect golden sunshine that uncovered the top of their hairline to the center of their nose. Their eyes glistened in the light . Buffy was sure that this wasn't just down to the sun...

Buffy arrived home a couple of hours later feeling slightly frustrated but happy at the same time. Before anyone could see her, she tiptoed quietly up the stairs and into the bathroom. Her mind still wasn't completely clear after their talk. Her feelings about the situation were clouding her judgement on the best course of action after seeing them. Old memories were flooding back. She felt her heart fluttering around in her chest, bearing louder at every memory. What was she to do. A few minutes later, Buffy collapsed onto the bed and let out a large sigh. She couldn't just stay here thinking things over when the last 2 and a half hours hadn't made a difference. She needed to be out and about and forgetting about decision making for the time being. In fact, she thought she'd take this day...

Buffy had left a note for Xander and the others so assure them that she hadn't run off again and had been wandering around the cemetery area for the last few hours. It was almost dusk now but Buffy couldn't bring herself to head home. She was enjoying the outdoors to much. Just being on her own, away from her nagging watcher, her paranoid friends, the stresses and responsibilities of being the slayer.

"Didn't expect to see you out here this early", a voice creeped from behind her. Buffy jumped round and reached for her stake but forgot that she wasn't carrying one. As soon as she looked into those blue eyes, she completely relaxed.

"Spike..", sighed Buffy.

"I just wanted to say -" he started but Buffy interrupted.

"I know what you're going to say but I just wanted to..apologise...I guess..". Spike's eyes widened in surprise.

"Sorry for what?", Spike teased with a grin slowly spreading across his face.

"You know what for", Buffy mumbled in a frustrated tone. She turned to barge past Spike but he blocked her exit.

"Yah..but I want to hear it from you". Buffy was shoulder to shoulder with Spike now, staring into him. She rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry...for layi -". She was silenced by the shock of the brush of his lips against hers. Before she had time to react, Spike's fingers trailed up her neck and into the lower reaches of her hair as he closed his lips around her's further. Spike pulled away, his hands still holding Buffy's head close to his, but still lingered close to her lips. "I only needed to hear the first few words", he smiled..

Buffy removed his hand from her hair.

"No but seriously though. You scared the shit out of me earlier in the alley!", Buffy laughed.

"You need to stop checking up on me". Spike opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Buffy again.

"It was the middle of the day too! You need to stop taking these risks if you don't want to get scorched!", she demanded. Spike raised an eyebrow and leant over to whisper in the slayer's ear.

"I didn't think you cared love", he murmured quietly. Buffy was backed into a corner. She purposely coughed and gasped, "I DON'T!...much..". Spike grinned again. "Anyway, it was worth it just to see you", he replied affectionately. Buffy started to feel uncomfortable and backed away from Spike. He noticed this and gave her a look that she knew meant that he wanted an explanation. Jesus! Since when did when know him so well!

"Spike..everything we're doing. Everything we're saying it's just..wrong!", Buffy cried. Spike looked hurt, like nothing he'd said to her or shown her meant anything now.

"We're supposed to be enemies. You shouldn't be in love with me and..and..". Spike's eyes widened, egging her on.

"And I shouldn't be leading you on like this. Nothing..real can ever happen with us. I think it's best if it just stops now before any of us get hurt properly", Buffy stuttered. She was wary as the vampire approached her.

"So you're worried about getting hurt. So you do feel something for me?", he questioned hopefully. Buffy rolled her eyes and gently stomped her foot in frustration.

"We've been over this! You're clinging onto false hope". She was shouting now. Buffy turned to leave but yet again Spike managed to keep her from running away. She closed her eyes and kept them shut as Spike pulled her closer and rested his forehead against hers. They stayed like this for a few seconds but Buffy pulled free from her would be lover's cold hold when he wasn't expecting it. All he could do was watch as this beautiful, kind hearted woman that he never in a million years thought he would fall for, ran off into the dimmed horizon...

As she ran, Buffy could feel her true feelings surfacing. That she wanted to give Spike a chance because she too was slowly but surely falling for him. She couldn't give in to these feelings though. He was everything she was against. He was an evil, soulless monster she kept telling herself. However the more she did, the more her heart told her that he was changing. Changing how? She didn't know but what she did know was that it was something good who wanted as much of a normal life as he could have. To be loved...

Buffy thought back to her dream from the previous night. She knew that the main reason she was cutting herself off from Spike was because of what her friends might think.

They were the ones trying to keep her from what they knew she wanted so maybe..they weren't angels in her dream after all..

THE END

Just a quick message, I want to thank everyone who has stuck with this story and for putting up with the paragraphing situation ;) This is my first long fanfic and I'd REALLY like to know what you guys thought of the OVERALL fic and what I could do to improve.

Each review means more than you'll ever know and really encourages me to keep doing what I do! If you have Instagram, please follow my BTVS/Angel edit account the_bronze

Thank you again for your continued support!


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